Dreams Can Come True
by Staz
Summary: Fatigue is the best truth serum. But sometimes that's just not enough.
1. Fairytale

Disclaimer: I would if I could, but I can't so I won't. Own JAG, it's characters and anything else mentioned in this story, that is. All's good.

A/N: this can pretty much fit anywhere, atleast the first chapter, we'll see about the rest. I'm taking a shot at something other than fixing an episode I didn't like, hope it came out readable and at the very least entertaining!

Dreams Can Come True

"I'm so tired but I can't sleep,

Standing on the edge of something much too deep.

It's funny how we feel so much, we can not say a word,

Though we are screaming inside, oh, we can't be heard."

- I Will Remember You – Sarah McLachlan

My eyes hurt, I'm so tired. I've reached that state of fatigue that my muscles won't respond to the commands my brain sends. I'm lying in bed, incapable of moving, so freaking tired, and yet sleep eludes me. Life really is a bitch sometimes.

Thank god it's Friday, maybe I'll even sleep in tomorrow.

And spend my Saturday alone.

Most days I'm okay with being single. I really am. I love giving 110 percent at work. I love being a marine. I love my friends. I love my life. But. But sometimes my mind sneaks up on me and reminds me that I want more. That I hate going to sleep alone and waking up alone, that I need another reason to get out of that empty bed in the morning, go out to the world and give it my best shot. Mic was right – I am afraid of being alone.

Then, of course, I answer myself that if I wanted it so damn much I would've done something about it by now. I could always have adopted a child, I would've loved him or her as if he or she were my own, right?

To that I usually snap that a child deserves a home with a mother and a father who love him, not just a workaholic mom that gets sent away on missions every other day.

Then I usually drop my head to my hands and try to stop my thoughts altogether mentally and physically, threatening myself with therapy if I don't quit it with them spiraling thoughts that go absolutely nowhere.

Tonight I have to shut my mind up without the help of my hands, which have yet to regain their ability to move.

After a while my thoughts start drifting. Naturally I found myself thinking of Harm. He's my best friend, my partner, my confidant, my prince in shining armor, my fairytale ending. I really wish he was here… holding me… I shiver at the thought.

A sneaky scheme stole through the veil along with a sneaky smile. Maybe I could steal some of his cologne sometime – a drop or two on my pillow each night and I'll definitely have sweet dreams… I mentally shake the thought. Get a grip! So pathetic…

What I hadn't realized during this crazed episode is that my arm and hand muscles could move without the brain's permission if it was too preoccupied, and that they had gotten hold of the phone and dialed his number. That is until I heard the tone followed immediately by his voice.

"Rabb."

Ooooh boy, I'm in trouble. What do I say? Why did I call, again? Maybe I'll just hang up… to my dismay the tongue muscles have conspired with the hands'.

"Hey."

He was quiet a minute.

"Mac?"

"Mm-hmm."

Oh, shoot me now. I'll hate myself tomorrow.

"You okay, jarhead?"

He's worried. Am I ok? How do you define okay? Apparently he doesn't take my silence very well.

"Sarah? Are you alright?"

My brain is mush.

"I'm sleepy…"

I'm brain-dead and my tongue now has complete control and somehow it doesn't seem like it's going to relinquish it anytime soon. He is laughing and I now have what I'm sure is a silly grin plastered on my face.

"Are you? So why are you calling me instead of going to bed?"

"I am in bed… I wanted to hear your voice..."

Good bye Sarah MacKenzie – hello babbling love sick teenager.

There's a long pause on the line.

"Would you like me to tell you a bedtime story?" he asks quietly.

I can see his soft smile from here.

"Yes please."

I really should tape my mouth shut when I'm this tired, I'm digging my own grave. A nice, cozy, warm one with Harm's voice bouncing off the walls, but a grave all the same.

"Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess."

I feel like a small child at bedtime, begging for a fairytale before going to sleep.

"Now this princess was very very special, not only was she beautiful beyond compare, she was also very smart and tough and could take on anything and anyone."

He's talking about me, and suddenly I don't care how silly this all is and how I'll ever be able to look him in the eye. My own drift shut and I concentrate only on his steady voice.

"Her father always tried to get her to marry princes from far and near kingdoms, but those never matched the prince in her dream, and the headstrong woman would not accept second best.

One day, as the princess sat in the palace garden, she noticed something falling from the sky. It turned out to be a note rolled up and tied to a small colorful parachute. It read 'Oh, fair princess, word of you beauty and courage has reached my kingdom of far-far away. I hope you accept this small gift attached to the parachute. It is rock I have been given by my father as a small child. Do not be fooled by its simple appearance, it is a rock of great powers, it grants wishes, but only if they are asked by a pure heart seeking truth and love. I wish you your dreams come true and hope that some day I might be in them. 'Till that day, princess..'

Now the princess was very confused. She found the small green sparkling rock sewn to the parachute in a delicate web and freed it. The tiny rock was very smooth and seemed to calm the nerves.

'Oh prince,' the princess sighed, 'I do wish you were here instead of this note..'

'Your wish is my command, princess." The princess, naturally startled by this unexpected surprise, turned around to find the prince of her dreams walking towards her. It appeared he had been hiding behind a tree.

The prince smiled and bowed before the princess, who smiled back serenely and rushed to his arms."

His voice is slowly becoming softer and softer and I'm drifting off to a land with princes and knights and fairies.

"I wish you were here.." I sigh.

I wonder if I said that out loud. Fatigue truly is the best truth serum.

"Me too." He whispers.

"G'night, sailor.."

"Sweet dreams, princess."

"Love you.." I'm dreaming already. The phone slips from my ear and my hand slips under the covers as I drift into slumber at last.

TBC

I'm sorry, I just really wanted to post this first bit already and see what you guys think… too much babbling? Not enough? I promise to continue this and my other story as well, I just need some perspective. Hopefully it will come to me.. ;)


	2. Al, the princess and Abu

Disclaimer: Just doing this for fun, no stealing of rights involved, promise!

A/N: okay, a few things:

I know, this is getting real silly real fast. I planned a whole other chapter but the flashback bit took over and wrote itself! So this turned out to be an explanation slash crazy chapter and the next one will actually get us moving forward, ok?

I'm taking my Writer's Privilege (thanks Jackie!), deciding that Harm has a TV and DVD Player.

I never played guitar, but my brother does, so I'm hoping the C chord bit seems logical to the guitar players among you, feel free to let me know if it doesn't.

The part written in third person is a flashback. This chapter's from Harm's POV.

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"Love you too.."

God, I hope she heard me. That just came so easy, who knows if I'll be able to say it face to face.

My phone's still glued to my head. Finally I hear the tone, signaling her end of the line is disconnected, and I slowly lower my hand and disconnect myself. The guitar is still in my lap, my fingers clutching the C chord.

What was that about? I don't think I've ever heard Mac like that. But it was fun!

She caught me just strumming on my guitar. I was supposed to drive to my grandma's for the weekend but decided earlier that I didn't feel like making the long drive tonight and that I'd just wake up early and drive in daylight.

I place the guitar back in its place and head to my bedroom, still very preoccupied by the weird phone conversation. Where did that fairytale come from? I just made up a story on the spot. I've never done that before, and yet it seemed to just flow out so easily. Lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, a slow smile spreads on my face. I know where it came from!

Tuesday night, Mac showed up on my doorstep with both hands behind her back and a grin on her face. It had been a particularly bad day, filled with endless paperwork, a lost case do to lack of evidence and a lying, stupid client and to top it all off my computer decided to crash for no apparent reason and sent whatever confidence I ever had in the damn machine, out the window. After it crashed I decided I didn't wanna stick around for more bad things to happen and took my paperwork home with me.

Naturally, Mac decided to turn my day around. From behind her back she produced a Blockbuster bag in one hand and a bag from our favorite Chinese place in the other.

/ "You're my hero!" He exclaimed happily, taking the food from her as she entered and peering inside.

"I knew you'd be too agitated to cook and too lazy to order in," she said with a smirk, "So, I thought to myself, 'better feed the sailor if I don't wanna break in a new partner', then I saw Blockbuster on the way and decided to go all out and make it a movie night."

She made herself comfortable on his couch, and he had to smile at her ease around his apartment.

He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with two water bottles and a couple of forks. Mac had already spread the food on the coffee table and was sampling the lo mein with her fingers.

"Hey! Get your filthy fingers out of my food, jarhead!"

Licking her fingers clean she flashed him a grin. "I'll have you know, my fingers are very clean."

"Yeah, I bet."

"Besides, 'clean' food has no character." She took a fork from him and proceeded to eat the noodles, without giving him a second glance.

Amused, he just shook his head, "Marines... go figure..."

They ate in silence, enjoying the company and the food.

When they finished Mac flopped back on the couch with a content sigh. Harm smiled at her as he cleared the table, then came to sit on the other side of the couch, facing her.

"So... what movie did you pick for us? Could it be... Top Gun..?"

She snorted "Yeah, right. You're not depressed enough for me to actually sit and watch it with you again." Reaching for the bag she took out the DVD. "I got us Aladdin!"

Harm made a face. "A kid's movie? If that's your way to say I'm childish, it's not very original..."

"Ha! If I had to find an original way to tell you each time I thought you were being childish..." She laughed at the dirty look that statement earned her. "Actually, you'd be surprised. I watched it with Chloe once and found it very entertaining."

Ignoring his grunt of doubt, Mac got up, put the DVD in the player and opened the TV.

Settling back on the couch, she reached for the bag again, and dumped its contents in the space between them.

"You did go all out..." Harm stated, looking at 10 different kinds of chocolate treats.

Mac just smiled. "You ready, sailor? We're headed for the dry desert."

The exasperated look on his face didn't dampen her enthusiasm as she happily pressed play and fished a box of Buncha Crunch from the pile of sugar beside her.

To his surprise, Harm found himself enjoying the movie, and even more enjoying the sight of Mac laughing and singing along to some of the songs.

When she caught him looking during a particular song, she was quick in her defense, "Chloe has the soundtrack!"

When the movie ended and the credits began to roll along with the songs, Mac turned to face Harm, legs crossed in front of her.

"Hey, did you notice how a Marine is like a Genie?" He raised an eyebrow and she explained verbally as well as with her hands, "Phenomenal cosmic powers... itty-bitty living space!"

He laughed so hard, tears began pooling and she was laughing just as hard. He finally calmed enough to speak. "I think this Marine had a bit too much sugar tonight.." Chancing a glance her way he found her calm again. "Besides, I think you're more like Jasmine."

"Who, me?" Mock humility became her. "Well, you could definitely be Aladdin. Flying carpet and all."

"Are you calling an F-14 a carpet, Marine?" Harm challenged as she got up to retrieve the disc.

Rather than answer she suddenly turned to him, eyes alight. "Oh! Sturgis can be Abu!"

Harm's eyes widened as Mac slumped to the floor in a fit of laughter, then broke into laughter until his cheeks and stomach muscles hurt.

"Oh, god, Mac, you're crazy!" He said when she finally managed to make her was back to the couch.

Still giggling she nodded her head in agreement. "Just don't tell Sturgis... he'll kill me..."

"Hmmm... I'll consider it."

Getting up with the DVD in hand, she picked up her purse from the chair she threw it on earlier and swatted him playfully with it. "Well, my work here is done. I'll see you tomorrow morning?"

Harm got up to walk her to the door. "You sure you can drive now? You might break out laughing in the middle of the road, then /I'll/ have to break in a new partner."

"Funny, sailor! No, really, I'm cracking up." She kissed him on the cheek and was out the door.

Leaning against his door he just had to say, "Good night, Jasmine..."

From the elevator she answered through a giggle, "Good night, Al!"

The door closed on his smile. /

So I guess the first thing that came to mind when I thought of a bed-time story was Aladdin... only shorter, more to the point, and no magic lamp or carpet. Fascinating, the way the mind works.

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TBC

Feedback (pretend it's a big neon sign flashing on and off)


	3. Wake up call

Disclaimer: still not mine.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took so long, unlike the last one, this one didn't really wanna write itself. I actually have two different endings I'm contemplating and they're making it hard to do this properly. It's your reviews that got this chapter up at all, give yourself a pat on the back from me! ;)

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To go or not to go?

I've been trying to make up my mind for 10 solid minutes. I know this because I keep looking at the watch to make sure it's not too late, even though I know for a fact that she's asleep. She did say she wished I was there. Granted, she didn't know I was still at my apartment and that there was a possibility of her wish coming true, but the sentiment was an honest one! You always say the truth when you're tired or drunk!

That's it, I'm going.

I'm just going to check that she's okay, I reason. After all that was a very weird phone conversation we had, I just want to make sure everything's alright. Precisely, just a concerned friend. Yep, a concerned friend with a key to her apartment. I might not even go in! Maybe I'll just drive by and see if her lights are on...

Grabbing my jacket, wallet and keys, I'm out the door.

Arriving at her place, I notice there are no lights, but as a concerned friend decide to check on her personally.

As I turn the keys in the door my mind suddenly wakes up. What would you say if she's awake? What if the door wakes her up? Idiot! But I can't turn back now, the door's already open. I close it as quietly as I can and take a moment so my eyes adjust to the darkness.

I walk quietly to her bedroom and stop at the doorstep. The sight literally takes my breath away. She's lying facing me, her face snuggled into her pillow with her hands under it.

Entranced, I walk into the room and stand by her bed. So many things are running around my head.

She's beautiful. I shouldn't be here. This is wrong. This is so right! I need to kiss her. I want to see her smile. I want to make her smile. Then a few R rated thought on how I could make her smile.

I notice my breathing has slowed to match hers. Kneeling down before her bed I stare at her face, focusing on her closed eyes. I'm a bit torn between anxiety at the thought that my intense stare and presence would wake her and between hoping that she would wake. In the dark it's hard to make out the details of her face, I bet my mind's filling the blanks for me.

Did her eyes just open? My heart jumps into my throat and my stomach's suddenly light. "Mac?" I whisper.

No response. Guess my eyes are deceiving me.

I spend another long moment just staring at her. Courage or stupidity, or a little bit of both, allow me to brush a strand of hair from her face and gently kiss her temple.

"Sweet dreams, baby." She mumbles something unintelligible and inhales deeply in sleep. I smile and pull back a bit. Getting up slowly I give her one last look before getting out of her room. There's this ache inside of me, almost strong enough to make me march back to her room and kiss her awake. But I can't. I know she won't kick me out. Judging from her recent behavior, she'd probably pull me into her bed, but I know I can't. She needs this sleep desperately, and I need to take this slow. I'll be damned if I let this get screwed up somehow.

Feeling like I'm walking against a strong wind, I exit her place, quietly locking up behind me.

As I walk to my car and drive home a mini war has been staged once again in my head. I know this war already. I also know how it ends. I will wake up tomorrow, probably after a night full with dreams of her, and drive to the Rabb farm, where I will spend a relaxing weekend with my grandma. I will come back to work on Monday refreshed and once again ready to deal with the banter, the smiles and the professionalism without my control failing and with a grin firmly in place. And try to forget this week ever happened.

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She woke up peacefully. Her eyes opened slowly and focused immediately. Closing them again she stretched as a smile spread. It has been so long since she slept this well. She'd forgotten how good it felt to wake up without an alarm clock, internal or otherwise and just lie in bed completely awake and not a bit anxious.

Oh shit! Noooooo, oh please god. Oh no... Let it have been a dream. A really freaky, weird, unexplainable, unmentionable dream.

That's it, I'm getting help. In the form of a very detailed psychology book, at the very least. What the hell was I thinking! What is he thinking...? Oh boy... Okay. Get up, shower, eat, think clearly then perform damage control.

About an hour later, cross legged on the couch, she sat staring at the phone.

Suck it up, Marine.

"Rabb."

"Hey flyboy, how's the fresh air?"

"Hey Mac! Oh it's great, it's been too long. Grandma says hi."

"Hi back. Just wanted to make sure you got there in one piece."

"Yeah, the drive was fine, thanx. Planning anything special for the weekend?"

"Nah, just the usual."

"Okay, jarhead, just don't wear yourself out, we have the Flannery case this week. I wouldn't want you to lose just because you were too tired..."

"Ha! We'll see who gets the last laugh, squid!"

His laughter carried clearly over the line.

"Bye, Mac. See you on Monday?"

"Yep. Bye, Harm."

The click of his ending the call, locked down the swell of disappointment.

Oh thank god, they were ignoring it. She should really start a list of the things they were ignoring or she just might start forgetting. Then again, that isn't likely.

Suddenly tired again, she lay back and stared at the ceiling. Letting out a long sigh, her eyes closed over the blurry wetness that decided to hinder her sight.

Damn the mess of it all.

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TBC


	4. Pinch me

Disclaimer: Just doing this for fun, as a distraction from my life, or lack thereof.

A/N: I still can't figure out in which season to place this story, any suggestions? Thanks so much to all the reviewers. I hope you like this installment and forgive my lack of updates...

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Logically he knew his luck would have to run out at some point. Sadly, logic had been drowned out by other nameless voices. This was now the third night, not counting Friday that he was kneeling in the dark in front of her bed, staring at Mac.

He came back from the weekend on the farm feeling refreshed and with new energy, thinking he was ready to face his life once again. Monday flew by filled with work, and though he had lunch with Mac and spent most of the day getting ready for a case they were trying, he didn't feel at all awkward or nervous, it was just their usual working relationship. A lot of professionalism, bits and pieces of good natured banter and a wealth of friendship serving as a backdrop.

He didn't even realize he was driving to her apartment at half past midnight until he was almost there. He didn't know why he was doing it. His mind kept telling him he was crazy and should stop before she woke up one night, slapped him across the face and kicked him out of her life for stalking her like he did. Then again, everyone always said he operated on emotions.

Moreover he couldn't stop himself from touching her. He limited himself to one touch per visit but that one touch was becoming more daring every time. First he traced her brow, then ran the back of his finger across her cheek. Tonight, the line of her jaw caught his attention and ever so slowly he followed it's line from ear to chin. The only reaction he got was a deeper breath and a slight upturn of lips in sleep.

He gave himself a few more minutes, inhaling deeply the smell of her, then quietly got up. After navigating his way to her in the dark for four nights, he could do it literally with his eyes closed.

He never saw it coming. The sound of his shin hitting an unidentified object was like a bomb going off to his ears. Biting his tongue to hold in the few curses that wanted to escape, he turned back to his sleeping beauty, expecting to find a gun in his face.

Mac stirred slightly but appeared to stay asleep. Very very slowly he let out his breath and tried to slow his heartbeat, which was pounding so loudly in his ears, he was surprised that that alone wasn't waking the building.

After a parting longing look, he carefully made his way out of her room.

Damn furniture.

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I wake up at 5 am sharp to my internal clock. Another wonderful night. Unexplainably I've been sleeping very well the past few days. I expected a week of sleepless nights after last Friday, and yes, the weekend was hell, but the last couple of nights I slept like a baby. Granted my dreams, or those I can remember, were filled with Harm. Last night at a moment of semi-consciousness I swear I could actually feel his presence in the room.

You're slowly loosing it, Mackenzie. Not long before the nice people in white robes come and take you to their nice hospital. Unbidden, a smile spreads on my face. Always knew he'd drive me crazy in the end.

Sighing, I throw the sheets aside and start my day. My eyes come to rest on the new nightstand I bought yesterday. It was an antique. Plain yet beautiful, and I just had to take it when I saw it at this new antique shop I found a block from my home. It's a bit larger than my old one but fits perfectly in the room. Frowning when I find it a little more to the side than I remember, I push it back in place. Well, I was pretty tired after carrying the damned thing up here.

After a run in the cool morning air, the hot shower is very welcoming. As I indulge myself to five minutes more under the water I can't help but think of him. This ignoring facts and events thing is actually working for us this time. It's been a long time since our relationship was so on track. We feel comfortable with each other again and it shows. I find myself hoping that nothing will screw it up and promising myself that nothing will if I can help it. I will not be held accountable for the next pothole. Nodding and sealing a silent pact with myself, I finally drag myself out of the steam with new resolve. Now if we could just get beyond going around potholes...

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I hear him clear his throat and hide a smile. I actually know he's been standing at my door for the last minute and 40 seconds but wanted to see how long he'd take before making his presence known, so I pretended to be completely engrossed in a paper I've long since finished reading. Twice.

Trying to look surprised I lift my head to meet his knowing look and half grin.

"Hey, Harm, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just thought I'd see if you needed any help." He steps into my office and I notice a slight limping.

"It's you that's going to need help, squid. Lieutenant Flannery is guilty as sin and I can prove it."

He snorts in disbelief.

"Anyways, what's with the limping? Trying to get on the court's good side by playing the sick puppy?"

He actually has a slightly startled look on his face before he quickly sets his control back up and folds himself into one of my guest chairs.

"The furniture attacked me." He pouts and I can't resist a chuckle.

"Good thing my new nightstand is an antique, then, it's too old to be any threat."

"You bought a new nightstand?" he seems oddly interested.

"Yeah, I saw it in this antique shop and just had to take it home, it's beautiful."

"I'm sure." He drums his fingers on his knees and I swear there's a grin playing on his lips. If he thinks he's going to make fun of my shopping habits and win that argument he's insane. I've already got my come back but suddenly he gets up and my brow rises with him.

"Well, I'll leave you to plan your lost cause of a mission." He says with that cocky smile of his. "You free for lunch after court?"

"Sure, you can buy and prove you're not a sore loser." I'm not about to let him have the last word.

Not even bothering to retort, he throws me one last look and is out the door. Did he just wink at me?

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Did I just wink at her? Oh man, this is getting to be harder than I thought. I've either got to stop making my nightly visits or get things out in the open. Yup, I can see that happening. After a nice romantic dinner, I take her hand in mine and say, 'ah, Mac, I've been visiting you at night and watching you sleep and I think I want you as more than a friend'. I bet that would go over wonderfully.

Just one more time. Tonight is the last night I'm doing this. It will be a goodbye of sorts, until I find a way to take the next step. Or she does, or someone makes it for us, whichever comes first.

Satisfied, I sit behind my desk and massage what's quickly becoming a vividly colored bruise on my leg. I knew something had changed in her room!

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Gazing at her closed eyelids, I can't help but feel some melancholy at this being the last night I'd be seeing her sleep like this. Despite the stalking air of it all, it just felt right to watch her, calming somehow. It gave me a clear mental picture of her soft, fragile side, for those times she was making it hard for me to be civil. I already ache to give her that one last touch I allowed myself, but I hold back a few seconds more, contemplating.

Ever so slowly I reach out for the final daring caress. My hand gently cups her jaw as my thumb rests on her bottom lip then traces it from end to end.

Her mouth opens and I feel her breath on my hand. I start withdrawing it, warning bells already going off inside my head, but realize I can't. Her hand has moved up my arm to intertwine it's fingers with mine. I can't breathe. Her eyes drift open and I'm hoping against hope that my mind's playing tricks on me again. I feel her squeeze my hand and all hope is gone.

Stupid, stupid stupid!

Mac releases a sigh and I'm still speechless. I'll either plead the fifth or claim sleepwalking. And sleepdriving... sleepstalking?

"I'm dreaming." She breathes and brings our joint hands to rest under her chin. I curse myself as I find I can't possibly lie. "No... you're not."

"Yes, I am." She says with such conviction I can't help but let out a quiet laugh.

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Another dream of Harm. This one feels so real, but I know it's a dream. I'm becoming aware of my surroundings and realize I'm in my bed and he's kneeling next to it. Usually in my dreams we're in his apartment but it really doesn't matter.

He's leaning on the mattress and his free hand reaches to stroke my forehead and hair. I'm feeling entirely too much, I've never felt this in a dream.

"You want me to prove it to you?" he's whispering, and my brow automatically rises.

"You do realize that if you try to pinch me you will find yourself on your six, on the floor, on the other side of the bed, with your arm at an odd angle, don't you?"

His laugh makes my eyes focus and my gut tie itself in a distinguished knot.

"Actually I was thinking of something softer..."

I'm finding it hard to breath normally as his head nears mine and then I feel his lips just touching mine. Suddenly the breath I've been holding spills out onto his mouth. His tongue is tracing my lip almost casually then he kisses me. It's a long, slow, breathtaking kiss that's untying my distinguished knot and spreading a wonderful wonderful warmth. My hand releases his in favor of cupping his face to mine. It's really him. He's really here. Finally we allow a few inches of space between us.

"You're really here." I find the words.

At his bewildered look, I really wish I hadn't.

"Mac, I-I.. I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I finally went over the edge. This'll never happen again, I promise."

Before I can stop him he's up and out the door.

I sit up and move to go after him in pure instinct, when I hear the door open and then close.

I gather my knees close and rest my head on them as the tears come. So close! Cheated once again out of my fairytale ending I can't help but cry. How I wish this really was a dream. Then again the term nightmare seems more fitting. How in the world am I going to ignore this?

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A/N2: Sorry! Has to be some bad to appreciate the good, ya know?


	5. Sleepless night

Disclaimer: it's getting really hard to think up new original disclaimer bits... I own nothing and don't make any money from this, please don't sue. Thank you.

A/N: as always, thanks goes to the wonderful reviewers. For the inquisitive ones, my reasons for not updating are work and writer's block. I know it's not convincing, which is why I didn't say anything in the first place, but hey, you asked! This wasn't beta read so any mistakes are mine. Please tell me if you find any. Hope you like this one.

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Leaning heavily against the door, Harm tried to calm down. Banging his head back softly on the hard surface the only thoughts that occupied his mind involved self-targeted hatred. He knew it would happen, and naturally it did, big surprise. And then he went and made it worse.

Now he was going to have to figure out what to do. This sort of thing isn't very easy to ignore. True, they've ignored major incidents in the past, but this one took the proverbial cake. He'd kissed her thoroughly then up and ran away. Smooth. He's never felt this stupid before in his life.

Running a hand through his hair, he's tempted to pull at it, to see if it's still attached. Maybe it was severed when his brain escaped.

Finally getting his mind on track he reviewed his options.

Option one – get back in there, kiss her senseless, hope for nothing more than a slap across the face, start dating, get married, have kids.

Option two –get the hell back home, talk to her tomorrow, blame it on medicine, get back to so called life.

For some reason the number two in gold and silver was flashing on the inside of his closed lids.

His eyes remained closed as he tried to reach some sort of final decision. His muscles were simply not responding, try as he might he couldn't bring them to move him in either direction. And so he found himself rooted to the spot, still leaning against her door, and praying for someone, anyone, to make the move for him.

Apparently the gods were in a listening mood.

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Breath in, breath out. That's it, just a really bad night. This too shall pass and tomorrow will be another day.

I really hope that book I read about the subconscious mind is accurate, because if this calming and convincing thing isn't going to work I just might go back to drinking.

Sitting cross legged on my bed, the tears having finally run dry, I try to think clearly. He was here. He kissed me, boy what a kiss, and then he ran away. Why? Raising my head up in the silent question I know I have to talk to him. There's no way in hell I'm going back to life as I know it without finding out just what brought on this... this... thing, for lack of better term.

It's four in the morning and the chances of me going back to sleep are very slim. I turn on the light and grab the top book from the pile on my nightstand. I cast a longing look at the phone right next to it. No, I won't call him now. This can't be done over the phone. I'll confront him tomorrow at the end of the day and make him talk. And he will talk, whether he wants to or not.

After 10 minutes of staring at the first paragraph it's painfully obvious I'm not gonna be reading tonight. Harmon Rabb, you will pay for this.

Now completely agitated, I storm out of my room intent on getting a drink of water, getting changed and going out to run. What I find on my way to the kitchen makes me stop dead in my tracks in shock, though.

Standing very still, I go back to convincing myself to breath normally. Maybe I fell asleep after all and this is a dream? Remembering the last time a similar thought went through my head brings back my anger to the surface and at last I find my tongue.

"Harm?"

-------

His head snapped up and his eyes opened so wide, she was momentarily afraid she'd given him a heart attack. There, standing against her door was the man she was sure was just a part of her dream, very much alive and surprisingly still in her apartment.

"Mac... I..."

But she wouldn't let him finish.

"You had better have a damned good explanation for what just happened in there, Rabb." She was seething. Her voice was just a bit shaky, yet quiet and resolute. She was going to get her answers, and she was going to get them now.

"Mac," he tried again, "I'm sorry..."

"You're sorry! You've gotta be kidding me. Is that the best the great Harmon Rabb Jr. can do? You're sorry? You're gonna have to do a lot better than that, sailor."

She was almost sorry for him. His shoulders were slumped and she could tell his first instinct was to open her door and run away, but not tonight. She couldn't allow him to do it tonight. Once and for all they were going to figure this thing out if it killed them.

"Mac... can we..." third time, definitely not the charm.

"No! No, Harm, we can not 'table this'." Using air quotations to remind of a painful discussion of the past, she went on, pacing back and forth in front of him "what we can and will do is talk this out. I know, we don't exactly have a stellar record in that department, which is exactly why you're going to talk yourself blue, to which I'll listen and then I'll talk and you'll listen and so on, understand?"

Finally bringing her head up from the floor to take a breath, she risked a look at him and found traces of a grin on his lips.

Her muscles were automatically trying to pull the edges of her lips upwards. Infuriated, she directed her wrath at Harm yet again. "Something funny, Rabb?"

The last traces lingered a while longer, "I was going to say, 'can we sit down'..."

"Oh..." yet again, he managed to shut her up and make her feel stupid.

She walked over to the couch and sat herself in the corner, in one move bringing her legs up as a physical protection. A moment later when she realized he had yet to join her she fixed him with a gaze that was as expectant as it was challenging.

Sighing, he took a few seconds more to gather his wits about him, then finally found the physical and mental strength to push himself off the door and stand straight. Hoping to gain a few more minutes, he asked, "Would you like some water?"

Her silent stare was answer enough, so much so that he raised his hands in mock surrender, bowed his head and mumbled something that sounded strangely like 'sorry princess..."

Just as he was going around the couch to sit on the opposite side, Mac's gaze following his every move, his phoned decided to ring. Saved by the bell had a whole new meaning now. Fishing it out of his pocket he immediately recognized the number.

"I have to get this." The apologetic tone was there. Still getting no answer from his brown eyed debate partner he took the call.

"Rabb."

Mac observed him as the person on the line talked. His posture changed. He stood almost at attention now, his eyes completely focused, she could swear she saw his muscles tighten. Harm said nothing to the other person, just "I'll be there as soon as I can" as he ended the call.

She actually opened her mouth to speak when she noticed his eyes were shimmering in the soft light emanating from her bedroom, and her mind silently shifted gear.

"I have to go, Sarah." Always when she was least expecting it, he drove the point home.

"Give me 60 seconds, I'm coming with you." She was already up and halfway to her bedroom.

"Mac." He managed to grab her hand and she turned to him, with a comforting smile.

"Don't make me play the trump card, sailor."

He covered his eyes with his empty hand and relented. "50 seconds and counting, marine." She was already getting changed.

We're not tabling it, she kept telling herself. He needs me and I'm going to be there for him, and when we've cleared this hurdle we're going to throw the freaking table out and make a bonfire with the wood.

47 seconds later they were out the door. She still had no idea what happened and who would call him past four in the morning, but it was times like these that nothing mattered besides the fact that she still considered him her best friend and would stop at nothing to help him.

------

A/N2: so I finally had to place this past season 8, hence the reference to Paraguay. More definitive time to come later... maybe...

TBC


	6. The drive

Disclaimer: pick one of the last five.

A/N: I've been dying to write the drive bit for a while now. I love long drives, especially when I don't have to drive and can just be lost in my own world of thoughts... anyways! The song is a free translation of a beautiful song in my language, so if it doesn't seem like an actual song that's why. You'll have to trust me that it's a great one. It's a short chapter, but I promise there's more to come. Enjoy!

-------

We've been driving in complete silence for the past 10 minutes, and I still have no idea where we're going. I figured if I gave him some space he'd open up a bit and at the very least tell me what the call was about, seeing as I'm going with him. Not Harm. He might as well be on another continent, he's so far away.

Four minutes later, none the wiser, I decide to break the silence.

"Harm, talk to me." I say in the softest voice possible. The last thing I want to do is startle him when he's driving.

He takes in a deep breath, but says nothing.

My hand automatically reaches to cover his on the gear and I finally get a glance and half a smile.

"It was Mattie."

I stay quiet, knowing he needs the time.

"She was with her dad tonight. Apparently, he went out after she'd gone to bed." Finally his eyes really meet mine as we're standing at a red light, and my breath catches. "He came home drunk."

"Oh no..." I sigh involuntarily.

"She said she couldn't stay there a minute longer. I could hear the fear in her voice, Mac. Damn it!" I didn't expect him to yell or hit the steering wheel as he did, I admit I jumped. "I thought he was better than that! I thought... I don't know what I was thinking..."

"Harm, you thought, rightfully so, that Mattie needed to patch things up with her dad. You believed that he'd understand she needs him and be a better man. You see the good in people, and that's not a bad thing! It just doesn't work sometimes.."

He's back to staring at the road silently. Knowing now that we're headed to Blacksburg, I relax into my seat and stare up at the stars in the still dark skies. He'll talk when he's thought the whole thing through again, no sense in pushing him.

I rest my head against the cool glass and wonder why I'm not more upset about Mattie. I grew up with a drunk father, I know what she's going through, I know, no, I feel the feelings welling inside her. And yet I have no desire to put my fist through a wall. Maybe it's because I know she has Harm as her guardian angel. Maybe I'm growing detached in my old age. Maybe I'm over analyzing again. Ding ding ding! Yup, that would be it.

I let my eyes drift shut as I try to clear my mind. Enough of this. I'm here for Harm and for Mattie and I need to be the calm rational voice if they're gonna get through this night.

I hear Harm turning on the radio and soft slow music is filling the space between us, gently flowing around me, swirling color in the darkness of my mind.

-------

I need to calm down. For Mattie's sake I need to get there with my wits about me. I'm going to get there, take her, say nothing to him and go home. I'll talk with him when he's sober and I've calmed down. Not nearly convincing enough. Thank god Mac insisted on coming. I was actually a bit afraid of telling her about it at first. After all she doesn't need any more memories from her unpleasant past. But she took it rather well. I'm sure she's upset for Mattie, but at least her shadows aren't claiming her again.

I risk a glance in her direction and a minute later I'm startled to find myself in the wrong lane. Thank god there's no traffic.

She'd fallen asleep, with her head against the window. She's sitting with both legs on the seat beside her, the hood of her sweater serving as a pillow.

I open the radio and find a station playing soft oldies.

The lyrics drift in and out of my head and the tune stays. It's a catchy one, and I find myself singing along when the chorus plays again.

Kiss me honey now,

Kiss me, make me sigh,

And the sun won't set on us.

You're the only one for me

My wonderful sweet pea

And I love you so much.

------

There's something else. His voice. He's singing with the radio. He must think I'm sleeping. My thoughts are confirmed when I feel his hand caressing my foot, and I can't help the smile that tugs at my lips. His singing stops, he's humming to the music now.

We are both in the car,

How I wish that we could just drive on forever.

You are thinking that I'm long since asleep,

And I can't hear you now.

You with a cigar in your lips,

Singing with the radio,

An old lovers song.

Harm's strong voice joins in. I'm thanking my lucky stars his caress hasn't stopped.

Kiss me honey now,

Kiss me, make me sigh,

And the sun won't set on us.

You're the only one for me

My wonderful sweet pea

And I love you so much.

The chorus repeats and I don't think my heart's ever been so full. I do wish we could drive on forever. I open one eye and find him focused on the road ahead, one hand on the wheel, the other still at my foot. He obviously has no idea what he's doing to me, and there's no way in hell I'm stopping him. I close my eye and relax even more. We still have a while longer to drive. I can pretend it's forever, just for now.

-------

TBC


	7. Harm's girls

Disclaimer: I own a very big book with lots of details about human anatomy. That's about it. I'm doing this for my own fun, no infringement involved. Thanks for understanding.

A/N: sigh. Thank you all soooo much for the wonderful reviews. Sorry it took this long, sadly the next part will take time as well... I'm writing it through Biochemistry classes... but it will come eventually, have faith! Hope you like it.

A/N2: JamieAKAaclassyone, would love to answer any questions, my email's on my profile page, ok?

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He could actually physically breathe easier now. Something that was clogging his airway had been removed. He was driving back home with Mattie asleep in the back seat and Mac next to him, occasionally throwing glances in his direction. He was once again in control of himself and of what was happening with the important people in his life. No matter what happened now, he could deal with it. No problem.

-Flashback-

He was standing in front of Mattie's house, unsure of what to do next. He'd asked Mac to stay in the car and she easily complied. Now he wished he hadn't. Should he knock? Should he just walk in? He really didn't want to bump into Tom just now, he just didn't think he'd control himself well enough, and for Mattie's sake he knew he had to.

This internal debate seemed to him to last forever. In reality it was all of one minute and a half after he got out of his car when the front door opened.

He walked as fast as he could without braking into a run, something which Mattie obviously didn't care about since she ran straight to and into his arms.

She wasn't crying, just holding on to him for dear life, breathing in his smell. So different, so the polar opposite of the odor she dreaded. It was that smell that made her feel safe as did the arms holding her. When she brought her head up to rest on his shoulder, her eyes focused on a figure standing next to his car. It took her a full 2 seconds to realize it was Mac, but when she did a grin spread despite everything. She pulled back and directed the expression at the man she had claimed as her guardian in every sense of the word.

Harm was confused at her smile, thinking maybe it was her way of holding back the tears, but then she was looking over his shoulder and he followed her gaze and then her thought pattern.

He managed to say "It's not what you think..." but Mattie was walking fast towards Mac, and probably didn't even hear him. He had to smile as Mac enveloped Mattie in a warm hug, then cupped her face in her hands and whispered something he couldn't hear from where he was standing.

Finally moved from the spot when his eyes focused on two pairs of hand waiving him to come closer, he strode back to the car.

"Can we go, Harm? I just wanna get out of here. Please?"

"Yeah, yeah, let's go." He suddenly felt stupid for not getting into the car faster.

"I left... him a note saying I'm with you and that I'm never coming back.." she let the statement hang thick in the air as she got into the back seat and closed the door behind her.

Over the top of the car, Mac and Harm shared a worried look before easing down and inside the vehicle themselves.

Pulling together every strand of emotional strength he owned, Harm gave Mattie an encouraging smile and made a promise he knew he couldn't make, "Everything will be alright, kid."

He got half a smile, or what would better be described as a quick and shallow upturn of the lips. He knew, that she knew, that this was a promise he couldn't really keep, if only because it wasn't only up to him. But he also knew that sometimes you just need to hear the words.

------

Mac's hand on his brought him out of his reverie. Had she said something?

"I'm sorry, Mac, what?"

"I called the General, told him we'd need the morning off because of family matters that came up. Wisely, he didn't ask what, just said to be in the office by noon. Thank god tomorrow's Friday."

She threw a glance to the back seat and found Mattie lying on it, fast asleep.

"She'll be alright, Harm. She has you."

He was still as talkative as a rock. Only a sigh told her he'd heard her words.

"And you have me..." she whispered mostly to herself, but he heard her loud and clear. He stole repeated glances her way, his eyes begging for confirmation.

Finding her eyes locked on him, she answered his wish, "Always."

She was sure her heart was in her eyes, she could feel it.

Tearing his eyes from her to watch the road, Harm took Mac's hand in his and brought it to his lips for a tender kiss to the palm, then breathed "Thank you." against it.

It was all she could do to repeat, "Always."

He released her hand and Mac suddenly felt open and raw as he closed up into his shell once again. She looked outside, trying desperately to get a hold of the emotions almost controlling her completely.

A few minutes passed in silence, then he spoke.

"I'll drop you off at home so you can get a few hours of sleep."

Shaken out of herself, it took Mac a moment to focus and answer him. "No, you won't, I'm coming with you."

He started to protest but she was adamant. "Let me help you through this, Harm, just this once let someone in to fight the good fight with you." She whispered fiercely, as so not to wake Mattie.

Mac expected a rebuttal, angered silence, anything but what she got, which was a short laugh followed by a sheepish grin.

"I guess we both need to learn that lesson, huh Mac?"

He got a smile in return. "Why do I get the feeling I have to worry about that being too easy?"

"I'll take the couch."

"Ah, yes, so you can complain for a week that because of me your back hurts like hell."

He shrugged, "Take it or leave it."

"You know damned well I'll take it. Tell you what, we'll discuss the terms of the deal when we get there, fair enough?"

He gave her a skeptical, brow raised look.

"I don't deal when I have a winning case."

Crossing her hands in front of herself, she leaned further back into the comfortable seat and huffed. "We'll see about that, flyboy."

She was extremely happy she got this bit of playful banter out of him, he was dealing with things much better than she expected, much better than she would have under similar circumstances.

The remainder of the drive went by in silence, each caught up in their own thoughts.

When they were practically at Harm's place, Mac turned back to wake Mattie.

"Hey... Mattie... we're home. Wake up..." She stroked the teenager's arm, coaxing her to fully awaken.

Mattie moaned something that sounded like, "not yet" and stretched her muscles.

Harm had parked the car and shared a smile with Mac at the sleepy girl.

"Come on, Matts.. you'll be much more comfortable in your own bed. Want me to carry you up?" It almost sounded as if he wanted her to say yes.

"No.. no.. I'm up, I'm up." One more stretch and she was out the door, followed closely by a hand-linked couple.

Reaching their floor, Harm finally found his voice. "Mattie, you want to sleep in my apartment tonight? I mean.. if you want.."

Thankfully he was cut off by Mattie's head shaking no. She hugged him tightly. "I think what I need right now is to sleep in my bed. I know you're right next door if I need anything."

"When did she become this smart?" he directed the question at Mac, who along with Mattie shook her head in amusement.

The girls shared a hug. "I'm always a phone call away, you know?"

Mattie smiled and nodded, then turned to her apartment.

Harm threw Mac the keys. "I'll just be a second, okay?"

"No problem, G'night Mattie."

"Night, Mac. Thanks for coming."

With a parting smile Mac entered Harm's apartment as the two entered Mattie's.

They found Jen sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. At their entrance she jumped from her seat, spilling said coffee over the paper she was skimming.

"Mattie! God, you guys scared me!" Coming around the table, she gave Mattie a hug, and at Harm's facial expressions, decided not to ask why the teenager came back home this early.

"Hey Jen, boy is it good to be home. I'm gonna go crash."

Taking another look at Harm's face, Jen figured she couldn't ask for clarification of the light speed muttering just shot in her direction either.

"Okay..."

Harm mouthed, "I'll explain later" and followed Mattie into her room.

Mattie sat on the edge of her bed, not having found the power to get up and into pajamas before crawling under the covers.

Harm brought a chair from the kitchen and sat opposite her, straddling the chair.

"I'm sorry, Harm.." Had he not been listening, he might have missed it.

"What on earth for, Matts?"

She half threw her hands in the air, "For dragging you out in the middle of the night, and obviously in the middle of something important..." she chucked a finger in the general direction of his apartment.

For the life of him, he couldn't understand what she was talking about. "What do you mean? I was actually awake, and I'm glad I could come at a moment's notice. I'm sorry that you had to go through that..."

Mattie sighed. "I'm still sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for!" he tried to reassure her.

"Tell Mac I'm sorry too... I didn't mean to interrupt anything..."

Understanding dawned. "Oh! You think – no, Mattie, we were just about to sit down and talk.."

"Right." She said in tired disbelief.

"Mattie, there's nothing going on between Mac and me, you know that."

She looked at him and was startled to realize that he seemed honest. "Well then, that's just sad, Harm. You both obviously care about each other," she raised a hand to stop him when he began to protest, "as more than friends. I mean, you sit down to talk at 4 am and there's nothing going on! I know first graders smarter than you two..."

Harm was shocked speechless.

Mattie gave him an indulgent smile and got up from the bed. She leaned down and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Go back to that Marine and do something smart so I can go to sleep in peace."

Still a bit dazed, Harm took the chair with him. "Night, Matts."

The girl waved him off and closed the door behind him. He offered Jen a short, detail-free explanation, leaving the full story to Mattie's editing, and was out the door, wandering, this time seriously, when the girl had gotten so damn smart.

--------

TBC


	8. Nothing but the truth

Disclaimer: I own no characters or anything that has to do with JAG for that matter...

A/N: A bit short, but you get some shippery stuff, so there shouldn't be any complaints. I hope you like it. If you see any mistakes, I blame it on the stupid cold that won't leave me alone, so please let me know, I'll fix, I promise. Thank you guys for the great reviews, I love them! (Naturally...)

-------

With a sigh, Harm closed the door behind himself and leaned against it. His eyes shut involuntarily as he breathed in deeply, then slowly let the breath out.

He'd had quite a night. First at Mac's and then Mattie... he tried to refrain from making a list of other important things in his life that could go wrong.

Without realizing he'd moved from the door, he found himself staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. The cool feel of the water on his skin was an anchor to real life. He touched wet fingers to unkempt cheeks, trying to pull himself completely back to steady familiar ground.

A few more minutes staring at the glass and suddenly his brain kicked into place. Wasn't Mac supposed to be there? Could he have just walked past her without noticing? Maybe she left?

He peeked back to the bedroom, half expecting to find her asleep in his bed, and saw nothing but spotless sheets. Maybe she decided to go home after all. He strode out of the bedroom, and had to stop for a moment so his eyes could adjust to the darkness.

He found her curled in a fetal position on his couch. Of course she didn't leave. For one she had no car, but even if she did, she would never leave like that. He knew it deep in his heart but that never stopped the doubtful insecure thoughts.

Ever so slowly, he lowered himself to sit across from her on the coffee table. Once again he found that watching her peaceful sleeping face brought him a little peace as well. Another sigh escaped unnoticed.

"Staring at me sleeping again?"

He almost fell off the table and choked on his heart in the process. Her lips were spread in a small smile but her eyes were still closed. He felt like joking but couldn't find it in his heart to bring out the words. Suddenly disgusted with himself he covered his face with his hands. He couldn't even leave this time – it was his apartment and kicking her out wasn't really an option.

Mac on her part was expecting some sort of reply, witty or other, and opened an eye when she didn't get one. What she saw tied her gut in a knot, she could tell when he was withdrawing from her, from the world. 'Oh no you don't, not this time.' went through her mind.

In one fluid motion she was off the couch and on her knees before him. Her hands reached up to wrap around his wrists, fingers just caressing his palm.

"Harm?" she ventured a whisper.

A shuddered sigh was all she got in response.

"I'm here, please let me in." she was pleading with him. She was practically begging him to stay in the rational realm rather than delve into the sometimes twisted world of his logic as she knew he was on the verge of doing.

Without any warning Harm stood up, leaving her stunned on the floor with hands half in the air, and walked away towards the kitchen.

After a few counseling words to herself, Mac stood up and followed him. She was going to make good on her promise to herself. No more walking away, even if it was the easy way out. This time she didn't utter a word. She just stood close enough for him to acknowledge her presence, yet far enough so that he wouldn't feel cornered.

"I've screwed things up royally, Mac..." He was still with his back to her, but she didn't move to face him.

"What are you talking about, Harm?"

"You... Mattie..."

Try as she might, she couldn't stay serious. "Are you kidding me? Harm! You did the best thing possible for Mattie, she's extremely lucky to have you. Believe me, I know and she knows, hell, even Tom probably knows how lucky that girl is. Would you please, for once, take the weight of the world off your shoulders! Your Superman act, though even I admit does come in handy at times, is really not necessary here!"

Now she walked over and stood almost nose to nose with him. His eyes had a somewhat dejected look and she couldn't decide if she wanted to slap him or kiss him to get it out.

"As for me, I think I know you well enough by now not to be scared off by fleeting out-of-character stints. And you should know me well enough to realize that this Marine doesn't back away from any challenge – official or not."

Harm still said nothing. She could practically see the thoughts running through his brain, branching out to several light switches, one of which, she dearly hoped, would shed light on his currently foggy mind. Sadly, no light bulb flashed over his head, but as he took a deep breath she held hers.

"I'm sorry, Mac."

She stared at him incredulously. "You still don't get it." She breathed and got a confused look in return.

She walked away and shot a glance upwards, praying for divine intervention or enlightenment. Turning back to her partner, Mac reached one very important decision.

"Okay, flyboy, I'm gonna spell it out for you, so listen up." One deep breath and she dived in.

"I need you." His eyebrows shot up but she forged on without waiting for a response. "Not just when things come crashing down or when there's a difficult case or a bad day. I need you everyday. I need you as my best friend. I need you as my partner." Her calm and steady voice bellowed the emotions that raged inside her and made her stomach light and her head a little dizzy. Taking another breath she crossed the point of no return.

"And I want you... as more than that..."

Letting that last sentence linger and fade into the air between them, she breathlessly awaited his response.

There were so many things he wanted to say, but as he started to say each it sounded lame or unfitting or just plain stupid. So many expressions to express but his facial muscles didn't know which way to contract first. Finally, releasing something between a moan and a sigh, he took the couple of steps it took to close the endless gap. Cupping her face in his hands he brought his lips to hers in a sweet answer.

Still not completely at ease, she took the kiss slowly, taking the time to feel the contour of his lips against hers as she moved her body up against his.

Opening his mouth to hers, he took away the last vestiges of doubt and brought relief and contentment it their place.

Just as she was starting to deepen the kiss and really drown in him there was knocking at his door.

They broke apart, arms still holding each other close, wondering who it could be. Then the knocking became pounding along with muffled speech.

Harm's confused look quickly turned to an angered one. With long determined strides he headed for the door, with Mac not far behind. He hoped to god it wasn't who he thought it was.

------

TBC


	9. Protector

Disclaimer: Guess what? Nope... not yet... I'm hopeful though..

A/N: Your wonderfully great reviews are the major reason this chapter is even up considering I'm going through a bit of a hard time with the story... it's a bit stuck... Hope you enjoy the story. As usual every kind of comment is more than welcomed, especially the detailed ones ;-)

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Harm threw the door open, not even bothering to check who it was. The rage filled him right down to his toes. Thankfully, all of it came out with his next expiration when he was met face to face with-

"Walter...?"

A short plump man stood with a confused look in Harm's doorway. He had thick glasses and a bald plate, all in all bearing a weird resemblance to a frog.

"Harm? Wha... what are you doing in my mom's apartment?" He even sounded froggish. He tried to look into the place and his eyes widened when he caught a glimpse of Mac. His arm came up to point at her and he began to stutter something unintelligible.

Mac saw and felt Harm's entire body sag in what she guessed was a mixture of relief and exasperation. His right arm gave him leverage as he leaned hard against the doorframe.

"Walter, we've been through this. This is my apartment. Your mom's apartment is one floor /up/."

Walter's head followed Harm's finger to the ceiling and understanding visibly spread across his round face.

"Oh, right... I'm.. I'm sorry, Harm. Won't happen again... One floor up..." Walter continued mumbling as he turned away from the door and started towards the elevator.

Harm closed the door and turned to Mac with half a smile, his composure regained.

"Not the sharpest tool in the shed, that one."

"Not the one with the best timing either." She returned as she stepped closer and he welcomed her back into his embrace.

He nudged her nose with his. "I don't think you can blame our ever annoying timing on poor Walter...". His strong hands slid from her hips to the small of her back, where he held her close.

"I believe it's already been proven that I can do whatever I want." She caught his lips with hers and kissed him fully, daring him to contradict her words.

Naturally, he didn't. Instead he started walking her backwards, never stopping the kisses. He felt her smile on his lips and a wave of something very deep washed over him. It's amazing how much can change in a couple of minutes. A minute ago he was sure there wasn't even a slim chance for them and now he's kissing her as if he does it on a regular basis. The feelings between them, the familiarity and shared experiences ran so deep and connected them on so many levels that the physical pleasures came as second nature.

Mac on her part was just thankful that she got through the brick wall he calls a skull, and even more so for Harm's arms supporting her, since she wasn't sure she could hold herself upright all by herself just now. So caught up in all that was him and all the thoughts that danced around to violins inside her head, she literally didn't see it coming and was truly startled when Harm picked her up from the floor. Instinctively she let out what could be categorized as a squeal and wrapped her legs around him.

"Was that a squeal I just heard, Jarhead?"

Getting over the shock she shot him a warning glare. "You're a sneaky little squid." She kissed him briefly. "Don't worry... you'll pay for that."

Effortlessly, he started walking with her. When she realized the direction she raised a brow and managed to bite the grin. "Presumptuous, aren't we?"

At the innocent angle look she got, Mac had the feeling she was going to have fun talking with his mom about Harm's childhood, and her laugh came straight from the heart.

"What? We have a couple of hours to sleep and I already told you, you get the bed."

She played along, "Oh, you're so considerate! Carrying me all the way to bed. My hero..."

"Of course, I'll have to stay with you and watch over you. You know, just to be on the safe side." He said with a hint of a smile.

"Right.. right. Can never be too careful with those monsters under the bed."

"Precisely! See, I knew you'd understand, Mac."

Since they'd had the entire conversation at the foot of the bed, and since Mac had nothing to add to the mature logical conversation, Harm couldn't find an excuse to keep her in his arms longer, and slowly let her down.

Mac kept her hands linked behind his neck, she didn't want to let go just yet, she was comfortable where she was. Staring into his beautiful eyes she felt a calm she didn't know settle and wrap her up. Lightening could strike, walls could crumble, the world could stop turning, she would be the last to notice.

Getting the hint, Harm picked her up again and placed her on the bed, following immediately as she still didn't loosen her hold on him. A few awkward moves finally brought them to plausible positions, with Harm lying on his back and Mac against him.

"Comfortable?" He asked after he managed to draw the sheets over and around them.

She sighed deeply and kissed his chest. "Very." Her eyes were already closed, her breath deep and steady.

His fingers traced up and down her arm, lulling her further to sleep.

"Did I already say I love you?" She mumbled in her sleepy state.

Elated, he kissed her forehead and whispered against it, "I love you, Sarah."

"I know..." She said in a small, barely there voice. After a few minutes of silence she added, "This is nice..."

"Yeah, it is. We should do this more often." She could feel his grin without seeing it.

She hummed an affirmative answer and hugged him to her.

"I should wish for things more often, they seem to come true."

She was more than half asleep, but Harm was thoroughly enjoying this open conversation and was intent on keeping it up as long as possible.

"What did you wish for?"

She breathed in deeply and smiled, "I wished you'd be there to hold me. I kept having these recurring dreams about you – sleeping in your bed with you. I really hope this isn't another dream, I hate waking up from them."

His grin couldn't possibly get any bigger. Or his ego for that matter. "I promise you this isn't a dream. Besides, whenever you want me to hold you, all you have to do is ask, I'd never say no."

"Promise?"

He'd never guessed Sarah MacKenzie would turn into a five year old girl in a sleepy state, must mean her guard was down. In any case he found her adorable in the literal meaning of the word and it only caused his need to be her protector to grow and swell inside him.

"I promise, Sarah."

It was becoming easier with every second that passed to believe that the small universe that held the both of them in his apartment was all that existed in the world. The rest would come later. Right now they were both where they wanted to be and nothing else mattered.

"Night, sailor." She breathed against him.

"Night, baby."

Finally completely relaxed he let his eyes drift shut.

------

It's 10 am. Time to wake up.

How do normal people get along without an internal clock? I guess I'll never know, but they probably just don't.

I slept so well. I'm so warm and comfortable I have no idea how I'm going to get out of bed today. I can remember my dream vividly, Harm holding me.. lulling me to sleep... wait a minute! It wasn't a dream this time.

I open my eyes to the very welcome sight of my flyboy sleeping peacefully, one arm still around me. I pull back a bit and prop my head on my hand to get a better look. A true angel, golden wings and all. My angel. Without even thinking about it, my hand reaches out to trace the lines of his face – down the bridge of his nose, along his jaw, across his forehead. Who knew I had such freedom? The touch of my finger at his lips triggers a smile, but his eyes haven't opened yet.

"Watching me sleep?" he echoes my earlier words. Clever squid.

"Just thought I'd return the favor." He finally opens his eyes and they meet mine.

"Morning." He utters and I decide that warrants a brief kiss.

"Has been for a while now."

He sighs and passes a hand over his face. "You mean time didn't stop?"

"Sadly, no.. we have to get up now."

"Are you sure?" He's trying to drag it out, hopefully clinging to the last veils of slumber.

"Yup, come one flyboy, it's only a few hours. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave."

The look he gives me makes me want to forget what I've just said and stay in bed, consequences be damned. But he's up and dragging me along to the kitchen.

"Breakfast?"

"As if you had to ask..." I can not imagine a better way to wake up – to his arms and then his food. Life is bliss when you linger on the little details.

After breakfast and a quick shower we're out the door. Harm's already in uniform, professional mask intact. He has a lot to deal with, but I intend to be there for him every step of the way, when he realizes he needs the support, and especially when he doesn't. It's going to be okay.

-----

As I said, I'm not sure what's gonna happen with this story. Maybe an epilogue of sorts. Ideas are more than welcomed, as well as reviews of course.


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